As I was doing some of my Christmas shopping on amazon yesterday, and realizing that my youngest daughter (15) is being vague with what she wants, I decided to look at their unique gift ideas.
Somehow all the searching led me to find the book “How to Traumatize Your Children: 7 Proven Methods to Help You Screw Up Your Kids Deliberately and with Skill”. I also found a pizza cutter that looked like an ax.
Now I will not confirm nor deny if I added those items to my shopping cart. After all, I think I have done a pretty good job of screwing up my kids (all 4 of them) these last 21 years of being a mother. But, maybe I just need confirmation that I did it correctly!
Anyway, that led me to look around for more outrageous and “I can’t believe they made that” ideas to see what I could find, and thus gave me the idea to put together the Top 10 Gifts NOT to Get a New Mom This Year (or maybe you should)!
Top 10 Gifts NOT to Get a New Mom:
#2 Coloring Book: Go F*ck Yourself, I’m Coloring: Swear Word Coloring Book
#3 Duct Tape (for when they just won’t be quiet!)
#4 Ear Muffs (for when the duct tape just isnt working!)
#5 The “No” Button (because repeating yourself over and over is just silly).
#6 Baby’s First Book: Go the F**k to Sleep
#7 Wine glass that holds an entire bottle of wine (they do say a glass of wine a day is good for you!)
#8 Book for surviving the 1st year: The Sh!t No One Tells You: A Guide to Surviving Your Baby’s First Year
#9 Tool for changing diapers and deciding whose turn it is: Diaper Duty Survival Kit and Spinner
#10 Learn how to handle a baby correctly (for the idiot in all of us) board book: Safe Baby Handling Tips